Thursday, September 4, 2008

My phobia is justified

In just the last 24 hours, I have learned far more about entomology and pest control than I ever desired.
After the deadly arachnid debacle earlier this week, I placed a somewhat frantic yet still perfectly coherent call to Palmetto Exterminators, to request elimination of all eight-legged menaces currently residing near my home.
"See, the thing about spiders," said the pleasant young lady who answered the phone, "is that they don't respond as well to pest control techniques as insects."
"Oh really?" I say. "Why is that? Because they're the embodiment of pure evil?"
The receptionist laughed and said, "Well, yes, obviously, but other than that...see, here's how it works. Our technician sprays your lawn and home with a chemical, insects walk through the chemical and then they groom themselves and the poison gets inside their systems and kills them.
"Spiders, however, don't groom themselves like other insects. So they just end up walking on top of the poison and it doesn't get into their bloodstream.
"So to kill spiders, we have to spray them directly. If they're hiding or underground, we probably aren't going to kill them."
A-HA! I knew I was justified in my fear and loathing of these disgusting creatures. They don't even groom themselves properly! They just creep around in their own repugnant filth! Wretched, nasty, putrid, foul web slingers.
"However," she continues. "We can kill the spiders that are currently residing in your yard by spraying them directly, and we can kill all the other buggies, which will remove the spiders' food source. With their food source gone, they'll move on."
I doubt it. Spiders are so evil that if I take away their food source, they'll likely try to eat me. Or Drew. Or my cat.
Actually, they can have the incontinent cat. They'll probably send him back as soon as he pees all over their webbing anyway.
So, I went ahead and booked a session with the bug guys. I'm probably a big sucker, but at least I feel like I'm doing something about the problem, instead of just whining and griping about it to anyone who will listen.

2 comments:

Eric said...

Hilarious! What did Drew think of you killing what could cause him to mutate into his idol, that is, Peter Parker!?

Amy said...

It's on a need-to-know basis, and Drew...you know the rest. :-)