Here be Monsters

I'm sure it's just a reaction to daddy being gone, but last night, Drew was seeing monsters everywhere.
We went to a playdate at my friend Krissie's house, and didn't get back home until fairly late - about 9 p.m. Shut up, now, that's totally late for a mom and a preschooler.
So after struggling to get him into his pajamas, Drew ran around the house squealing about monsters - there were monsters in his closet, monsters under his bed, monsters on the ceiling...
"Mama! There's a monster in the backyard!" he ran into the bathroom where I was washing my face and brushing my teeth.
"Oh yeah? What kind of monster?"
"It's an UM-BELLA monster!" (we have a patio set in our backyard. it has an umbrella. all clear now?)
"Ohhh, well, those are good monsters."
Skeptically: "Dey are?"
"Yup."
"But why?"
(yeah, we're getting into the dreaded 'why' phase - more on this to come)
"Because they protect us from the sun and keep us cool."
He pondered this for a moment, his little face squinching up in concentration.
"Well...Mama, some um-bella monsters are not good. Some um-bella monsters are very very bad!"
"The one in our backyard is one of the good ones."
"But why?"
"Because I know that monster personally, and I know he's a very good monster."
"But why?"
"Because."
"Because why, Mama?"

"Because why, Mama?"

"Because why, Mama?"

By the way, you can't ignore the 'why's. If you ignore them, Drew assumes you haven't heard him correctly and will continue to repeat himself until you respond. Some day (when I've had a few daiquiris, to fuel my patience) I will just let him go and see how long and how many times he can repeat himself. We may make it into the Guinness World Book or something.

Anyway, last night I was completely sober, so I couldn't let him go much past three repetitions.

"Because I just know, Drew."

Ponder. Squinch.

"OK. But Mama. The monster in my closet is not a good monster."

Guess where Drew ended up sleeping last night?